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Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Counselors Are Born

I grew up knowing I am social and a people person. It was fun to talk to others and get to know people. Soon I realized I had particular thought patterns.

When I hear a disagreement I want to hear both sides and get to truth. I am not swayed by emotion of either party to overlook all that is really going on.

It did not take much longer to realize how much people are in pain and suffering even as young children.

Looking back I knew some friends with horrendous stories. My heart went out to them.

My dad was quiet and shy so I would gravitate to loners and out casts knowing they had stories.

I just love talking to people. It does not take long however to really listen and hear what is not being said.

Worse and maybe you have to have an ear for this but I can hear peoples pain when they talk to me. I am the kind of listening ear that can seem to drag deep dark secrets out of strangers. They feel acceptance in my presence and I ask very good questions.

Nothing to make them feel like they are being worked just insightful questions. Sometimes it helps them to look at a situation with fresh eyes.  

Often I have heard:

I feel so much better after speaking with you

I don't usually talk for hours or reveal all this to a stranger

Wow it is nice to be heard and feel accepted

I needed someone sane and smart if not wise to discuss this with

That was just in my normal every day goings on. My mother likes to say I was born talking and have never met a stranger. The truth is a little bit deeper than that.

Never the less I make strange connections, even in this day and age when we are more connected to the people in our on line circles but we do not know the names of our neighbors.

Sadly I am convinced of a quip of mine: The masses of the world need therapy. Maybe I have seen too many episodes of day time talk television. 
I have had my share of strange, to the point of discomfort, relationships. Many times there are simple communication issues at the core of so much misery people suffer.

After that there are core and key issues individuals are dealing with. The way they see the world and choose to engage it does not work for them but they are stuck right there. 

Sometimes unable to see the problem, other times simply unable or unwilling to make changes.

It is at that point they should get help. Lay or professional wisdom from someone who may or may not be involved in the relational problem.  
There is a stigma, I am aware of, about getting help or the dreaded mental health issues but a counselor is not exactly a psychiatrist. You do not have to be crazy. We all need tools to get through life.


  1. Sometimes, one does need tools. You're right.

  2. Being someone who can listen well must allow you to help so many people. Everyone needs someone sometimes. Thanks for posting.

  3. "Tools to get through life"... that is a GREAT way of looking at it. I think too many folks thinking needing help equates to weakness or failure. I think it's pretty darn brave :)

  4. I think we all need to be heard...and think counseling should be mandated very 5-10 years. There's a thought.
    Rhia from Five Minute Piece for Inspiration (about #864 on A to Z Challenge)

  5. I never realized people had the gift to hear other people's troubles. Good for you and keep it up. You could do nothing better than helping your fellow man.

  6. great post. found you on the a to z, and will definitely be back to read more!!!

    feel free to check out my blog attempts too, I am doing a travel theme for a to z:


  7. Wow hello everyone! I was trying not to feel bad that this post has the lowest viewership of any I have posted and advertised in recent weeks.

    Then I noticed those of you who did stop by were engaging more than all the looky loos. A wonderful trade off I think.

    There are a lot of things I did not really understand then that I am putting together now. I have always enjoyed enriching relationships with others.

    It just never dawned on me how needed or healing that is for the world.

    I am with Rhia in thinking there is much more a need than we as a society give any credit too.

    It would be great if married couples would submit themselves during the early years to a bit of formal counseling.

    Rather than waiting until the wheels fall off busy hurting each other out of ignorance.

  8. You totally rock and the world should figure out some way to let you help other people as much as you have helped me without having to worry about paying the bills. Sadly, "counseling" usually means a prescription for pharmeceutical products in this day and age so maybe you could call yourself a "life coach" instead?

    1. Awww thanks hun. I am working towards officially becoming an MFT. I also am blogging and doing social media to put myself out there and start building my name.

      I plan to speak at conferences, get videos on YouTube and write books in no particular order. I am not for everyone but who ever I can help will make it all worth it.

      I have been having fun so far just hanging out and being friends with folks. It has taken me this long to realize I needed to do it as a career.

  9. Hello Tosca!! Really enjoyed reading your blog a couple times now. You have an inclusive style of writing that has a whimsical sort of serious effect on me. What a powerful woman! Love!!!!

    1. Ha ha ha! Well hello. You seemed to have captured my essence. I might have to quote you! Very well said thank you.