Gods Plan All Along

I was flaming mad but decided to let it go. I had never wanted to return home in the first place. Three months later my mother felt sorry for me and offered to help me get re established on my own in some sort of more permanent housing.

With an eviction on my record I felt handicapped trying to look at apartments. I wanted to get into a duplex and out from under renting from businesses and companies. My mother found an apartment she liked however and paid for me to get into a one bedroom.

It was too small and expensive. That lasted six months with her paying the rent until she stopped and I was about to be evicted again. Slightly frantic because God had been speaking to me about everything else but my housing situation I said “Lord ok I am desperate here so if you have to YELL yell but tell me something!” Then I called my friend and prayer partner. 

 

When she prayed the Lord used her to say “I am going to fix your relationship with your mother.” That is when it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been complaining to Him and asking Him why He had my parents and now just my mother paying my bills when I am a grown woman.

(Because they had failed to properly transition me from childhood to adulthood. I felt trapped because I was trapped.)

I called my mother right away and said I should come to her across the country. With a renewed attitude and spirit I felt we could finally get to the root of what is wrong between us fix it and move forward. She said no.

This was upsetting too. I felt it to be in the way of my healing and growing. Again I just decided to let go and let God handle things since I had done all that I could do.

I wanted to move to New Mexico but He wouldn't let me. I ended up sleeping on the floor (on a mattress with my daughter a dog and a cat) lol Oh the memories! It is my friends house. Her and her husband have two children in a three bedroom house. The family is tall so all the beds are tall but they had a little Daschund named Daisy. She was delighted to have warm bodies all but on the floor to cuddle up next to for three winter months.

Anyway fast forward to 2009. I was enrolled at Trinity Life Bible college. I had classes every day but Wednesday. One week we had a special speaker who would be speaking each day. He was bringing a week long message broken up into chunks. I had really enjoyed Monday and Tuesday. I was even looking forward to the rest of the week but something made me come in Wednesday to hear that part of the sermon. 

 

He told a fascinating tale about being stuck. After establishing himself in life and ministry he said he felt like he hit a plateau.

He had a wife, was lead pastor of a church but he felt this wall between him and the congregants. He grew up in a nice family but one where the dad never said “I love you” suddenly he had a burning desire inside to hear his father say those words.

A trip was arranged to get out of town and visit his parents. He said he made up in his mind to hug his dad and say “I love you” even if his dad never responded the way he was longing to hear it. To his surprise his dad opened the door when they arrived hugged him and for the first time he could ever recall said “I love you son.”

A weekend or so they stayed together and over and over again the father blessed his son with these and other words. When the man got back to his home and church he felt a new release in his ministry.

This would have just been an interesting story except something peculiar happened. My mother living so far away I barely talked to her. I had been moving a lot since 2007 as well about a dozen times. Out of the blue she called. I was in the welfare office trying to deal with paper work and other issues. 

 

She wanted to make sure I was alright because she said the Holy Spirit had arrested her and insisted she call and apologize to me. She thought I was mad at her or upset about something current. No it's about my past. It is about healing and releasing me. There are things parents need to do and say.

Words are powerful and we do not have to receive them for them to create hang ups, barriers and problems in our life. It feels like having a net on. It is not in you but it is holding you back.

Decade Review. Disasters & Glee!

01 A wandering prodigal. I had a p/t seasonal job from a previous season. A permanent placement offer was on the table. Before 9/11 all that changed. I became Nanny to a family which visited NYC that August.

02 I picked up some supplemental hours at the old job and was released as Nanny. For a moment with the cushy job the plan had been to put money away for buying a house at around age 30.

02 Was the year I bought an ice cream maker and created delectable premium recipes with it.

03 God came calling and I said yes to Him.

04 Again a Nanny job ended, my car died then my coffee maker (ask me which I whined more about). Finally I lost my apartment.

05 With no transportation and a bit demoralized I was living back home with parents. To cheer myself up I started a little, online, local, homeschooling support group that is still going strong with over 300 families to date.

06 Early in February God confirmed that some where out there is a husband He wants me with. Then abruptly two weeks later my dad died unexpectedly in a car crash on his way to work. That summer my mother took me on vacation with her and gave me her car. That fall she evicted me. I ended up living with a friend of mine who has a mansion in El Macero a suburb of Davis for the winter. Did I mention the indoor pool? Ahahahaha

07 I got into my own place again and really wanted to move to NM but God said No… We gained and lost 3 kitties.

08 God gave L a dream and told me to put her in public school. (Crazy right?) We did Sly Park and moved 4 times.

09 I started @ Epic Bible college. We moved 4 times again the fourth of which L did not come with me. I ended up right where God wanted me and made friends with a teen age boy.

Last year I moved 4 more times (can you say "this gets old"?) and spent the summer in Rocklin while working downtown. It’s like He didn’t know I am not one for commuting. It killed my car. Waa

Can the sky fall?

lol Anyone remember that childhood story? I think it was a chicken little who had like an acorn fall on their head and decided the sky was falling... Yeah something like that.

That is about how I feel for these predictions of the world as we know it coming to an end. Not that I believe it will continue on forever. I simply do not believe anyone who is out proclaiming they know exactly when it will cease to exist.

No one who has previously predicted it has ever been correct.

The biggest prediction up coming is the 2012 non sense. Gonna pass us by like Y2K folks I promise.

The last time the known world was put on notice that things as they knew it were going to change was at the flood. There will be no other clear universal specific sign. Live right and ready to exit because life is a death sentence that is not promised to any of us for more than the breath we last took.

I like a saying I see on buttons and bumper stickers: "If you are not living on the edge you are taking up too much space."

Yes sure you can call me a radical. We can discuss this further if you are intrigued or even want more information I don't mind sharing.

Just a friendly PSA for those tempted to be culled away by crafty entertainers. The good news I guess is that I haven't heard of any doomsday cults planning on sipping poisoned juice or anything to hasten their mass exit. The majority of those who will get sucked into these nonsense followings will live to get over themselves and their folly.

The sad thing is when false prophets are revealed in these days they are not forced into hiding much less repentance. Instead they recalculate and the sheeple just regroup and keep hanging on.

Please if you are going to head in a direction don't follow someone who has gotten you lost. Might as well strike out on your own if you can't find a map and read it well.

Thanks for stopping by. Enjoy your life every day. Don't spend it trying to figure out things that are none of your business there are plenty of other things you need to be doing. Leave a legacy.

We Are Blessed Do You See?

I have to be at work in 11 hours. I just cleaned my bathroom and started a load of laundry. It is 5 am lol this is my life. I am not up early...I just don't sleep much. A nap is scheduled between perhaps 7am & 11am....that is the plan.

hahahaha about plans. My plans anyway, some days I barely know why I make them. Maybe they are just an out line of how my days and life could go.

Sunday my plan was to attend church then pick up my daughter and head to the last day of the state fair. Weird Al was performing. Wanting to catch the show @ 8pm meant we needed to be there in time to see all the sites and enjoy some rides.

Saturday night was another like this one where sleep was rather elusive and my scheduled nap was interrupted by the daughter calling to get details on our days plans. Feeling a bit run down I opted to watch my churches service via the internet which let me sleep till 11.

Problems with the internet and computer meant I could not at all multi task like I wanted. Just to paint my nails and other small things like take some pictures to add here and elsewhere. Does this sound sacrilegious? Just keep reading....

The plan was to meet with the daughter or even be at the fair by 2pm. It was 4pm and I was leaving the house in Rocklin. Dropping by the trash bins to deposit some stuff I saw a nice looking vacuum sitting around with a sign that said FREE works well.

Stashed that in the garage and headed for the freeway which was a nightmare! Skirted on to surface streets. Had to pick up some groceries to bless the step family where my daughter has been staying and finally we were free to go.

Speaking of free as we walked and waited to enter Cal Expo having parked a block or so away a lady handed us two $2 off coupons for entrance. Before we got wanded & entered the gates a young couple in front of us turned and offered us half of their Poppy Pack. Entrance to the fair FREE.

The concert was sold out but just as good in the public seating surrounding the venue. We saw and heard everything. It went on past 10pm. The daughters step sisters spirited her away for a bit to enjoy a few more rides than we had time for. After the concert we bought some more tickets and enjoyed a few more.

These kinds of days filled with simple blessings are praise and SHOUT worthy to me.

Odd usual night

Last night was another one of those nights. As odd as it was ordinary for me anyway. I close up FTA right on schedule and head to one of the two week night services @ my church Nations2Harvest.

Service starts half an hour before I get off work so there is that, however when I arrive I almost feel like I did not need to be there since the message is more for the stragglers who need to step up their game and commit.

I notice a new gal watching intently sitting alone. After the message I stand around awkwardly during the transition. People come and go I say hi, bye and how ya here and there.

Stashing my purse, notebook and Bible I notice a member who has always been gracious towards me and head over to say hello. This seats me near the new gal and eventually we exchange greetings.

I chat with the member catching up, talking of future plans. Suddenly the daughter of the member I am speaking to, who is sitting nearby and has been chatting with the new gal, pipes up. The new woman I am sitting next to wants to learn to crochet.

All I could do was laugh and head back to my items to grab a business card. By faith she told me she had gone to the store and bought supplies just that day determined to learn the craft not really knowing where or how to begin.

Not sure how helpful my over load of info was linking her to Ravelry, telling her about Flickr, including my # & email. Lastly I mentioned YouTube for instant video help. lol sigh

I wonder if this was more the reason I needed to be there? It was nice to have praise & worship time following the service. I do miss that regular dance space. Something elegant and floaty happens in those moments it's like meditation but not. I could do this at home but come to think of it I never have.

I further wonder if I can move the hand of God with my faith....something about having not for asking not....ggrrr lol sigh