Winter 09

So God told me to enroll in college September of 08.

I enrolled in Bible college for the next quarter and tried to go full force. I had no job and no real place to live. Silly me I assumed if He was leading at least the latter was assured.

One year later my daughter is living with her step mother. Not her father just the woman and kids he is separated from.

I was couch surfing incredulously. After 9 moves in a year the new external suggestions were... I had heard God wrong or refused to see truth and needed to get a job.

"Going to school full time was obviously not my directive…"

I took a mini course load and a part time job in a new store that was just about to open…

My daughter was across town. I ended up sleeping on a fellow students couch. It was in a three bedroom apartment shared with her, another roommate, three children and a little dog. I like dogs but I am a cat person.

I prefer staying up all night to getting up early but anyone who’s lived in a busy house knows how well that can work.

Mornings were filled with the activity of those who had morning classes of which I and the two teens in the house did not. The eldest is a boy who got up to help mom by getting the younger brother off to school.

After the hubbub of it all it would just be me and him pitter pattering around the kitchen in the mornings. I only ever really remember small talk especially in those first days. I was still reeling.

One day talking aloud to God I was ranting about my situation. What in the heck was He trying to say. Why in the world had He left never mind led me here?

The teen boy said “Ms Tosca don’t you know what a blessing you are to me?”

Gulp ummm no….

Wow just wow. I was not trying to be a blessing. I was trying to figure out how I was supposed to get a job that didn’t exist before, to keep me out of the mess I was in right then.