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Thursday, May 10, 2012


Back in the mid 90’s I once created an online community. It was a call out to women who felt a little odd, misunderstood or under appreciated in their lives and society.

I wanted to reveal some secrets I had no one else to discuss them with. I wanted to prove I was not alone. Instinctively I knew it. An online group seemed like a perfect place to find and be found. 

I spent time seeking out members to invite that I thought could appreciate the subject matter of the group. I advertised the group and monitored who was allowed to join. It was not a complete dictatorship but I believe in having a firm grip at the helm.

Especially when trying to set up a safe place for people to share and grow it is important to cut down on riffraff and distraction that might try to thwart progress.

These things just occur naturally to me and seem to flow when other things are aligned. Weeks and months went by. The group grew to over 100 members. I was delighted. Daily we would log in to share thoughts and information.

After a while a member began calling me their Fearless Leader. No one could have been more shocked or amused than yours truly. I did not even see myself as a leader at the time. 

I just thought I had a nice idea and the inclination to push it forward. Instead the group members were recognizing that I had a voice and perspective on the world and life as we saw it.

They were really grateful to me for setting up a place where they felt welcomed to come and share. Some of our conversations were shocking and a bit racy. 
Mostly they were deep and heart felt. Many said they had never felt free to reveal deep things about themselves before or so warmly and decently accepted upon doing so.

Many were also afraid to speak such deep truths about themselves outside of the group. This too amazed me. My reason for starting an online group was not for fear of discussing things or meeting people in person.

I remember two of the women who I met because they were local. Both were young like me and in relationships while I was single with a daughter and hoping to find love. 

Both were budding entrepreneurs. That is something I still have yet to do. I saw myself as equal to the members who joined the group.

Never the less label stuck.

Fearless Leader

It was amusing because I am far from fearless. There are certainly things that scare me. Just not many of the things that scare other people especially women. 
Are you fearless or is something holding you back?


  1. Interesting post. What's happened to your group? Actually I started a women's group--mostly professional women frustrated with their careers or their men. It's still going on (about half old & half new women)! I have taken a lot of chances in my life and have had lots of adventures, but I don't consider myself exactly fearless. I could be considered a cautious adventurer. I like see and do those things that interest me, but I also like to have back-up plans and back-up resources, just in case. Adventuring is often a tough slog!

    1. I like to take well researched reasonable risks and have contingency plans as well. It is funny how people see us differently than we see ourselves.

      My group finally petered out and I deleted it. It lasted a few yeas I want to say and sort of served its purpose.

      The focus of being so broad was a little ambitious and it lost steam.

      Yes advertising can be a challenge at times. Sometimes a niche can be found and thus exploited when things are in alignment. That is often very nice.

      Congrats on the success of what you are doing.

  2. I would have liked to have found your group. I was in one for a short time --maybe a year. It was an international group of abuse survivors and I loved it. I was amazed that it didn't matter where people lived they had the same effects and problems from child abuse. I so enjoyed sharing with others who spoke my language because they had similar experience. I realized I was not so odd, and that was nice. The group stopped because the person who had started it could not afford to keep up the site... it was before Facebook and these kinds of sites. As with everything I am sure it served its time.

    1. There are some groups I am privvy to now I wish I could export and some people I wish I could drop into some groups I know of.

      There is a site I am on with a group for children who were raised by Narcissist mothers for instance.

      Yes the truth is abuse is abuse and produces the same types of results in people no matter where they live. That is the beauty of being able to connect on the internet.

      I hope in the future to have new groups up running and reproducing. I hope you can find a new one. I know how soothing and empowering a good group can be.