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Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Remembering Dad

I miss having a dad. Having living parents was like having a net under the high wire that is the life I am living. I lived my life very independently when I left home. I never wanted to look back or go back. Things were not horrible they were just not great in my opinion. I felt cared for but there is actually more to life. 

So I moved out to find myself and whatever else I could get out of the world.

I acquired a daughter and some cats, a place in the community. It was a glorious and powerful decade. If things had been different I would not have minded staying home. I am savvy and frugal. It’s a good deal for those who can make that transition successfully from dependent child to adult child without having to leave home.

If my mother had passed on first I would still be at home.

My dad was laid back and practical. We got along well. He was not overly demanding or nit picky. Dad was lenient but he had his limits. My mother swears I had him wrapped around my little finger. What gives? 

I know I had a special place in his heart. He wanted a boy my mom told me about what it was like being pregnant with me. My delivery went from zero to push so fast it caught the hospital staff off guard and my father missed it. He saw her first after I think it was and then made a trip to the nursery. At first there was disappointment she told me but by the time he had seen and met me we were bonded.

I grew up knowing he was my friend. He called me ½ pint back in those days. I was an A’s fan by default. They spent the first years of their marriage in Oakland California. He was originally from Oklahoma.

It is a crazy wild story. 5.5 years after I was born finally came my brother his son. Mom said dad was just as content as could be. We had a 4 bedroom house with the largest backyard in our neighborhood. They should have put in a pool. Yes black folks can swim. My mother being from an island ironically does not like water. She didn’t want a dog either. Sigh
Eventually my father would pay for one of my aunts to attend the same college I am now in. Formerly called Trinity now called Epic. Many years later they would house a cousin the same age as my brother for a few years. 2.5 kids was the national average back in the 80’s. Check hahhahaahha

He planted a garden with tomatoes, strawberries, corn and little yellowish round cucumbers. He helped me learn to drive. When I was about 8, he painted my room pink! Oh the joy. 

It has been six years. His memories died with him. I am glad he got to see the world and live peacefully with his wife and raising kids.

I don’t think he ever dreamed of much more. It’s a good life if you can get it.


  1. this is a very nice tribute to your dad- I'm sorry he passed and you miss him- Having a family that remembers and loves you is a good life if you can get it. It's the best life.

    1. It was a shock but thank you. We have regrouped as a family. There are a lot of memories.

  2. I'm sorry you lost him. At least some of his memories live in you.

    1. Thank you. My daughter still takes it hard. He was a dad figure to her. In fact one of the things I love is that she and I sort of shared seeing him like that. He was a morning person so 1st thing every day for both us us when we were young. So cute.