Friendships For Adults

The subject of making new friends seems to plague adults. In my first 30 years I would never have imaged the dry spell I now find myself in.

In general there are life issues that lend themselves to hindering the fostering of new relationships.

People move, get settled into jobs, kids get older and less social, couples settle into routines, singles feel isolated, pressures of bills and aging family members mount.

Any one of those things could keep even determined souls from maximizing their potential to meet others and spend quality time with them. Most of the time we are dealing with more than one if not all of them. 

Another problem is the stakes become higher. Especially now with social media, letting someone who turns out to be untrustworthy into our inner circles can really devastate our lives not just hearts and ego.

The negatives aside there is still that deep human need for contact and community.

People will exchange phone numbers and link up via social media. This is great but things must progress. 

Here are my suggestions:

Go to target rich places

Notice who is around you 

Who they are with 

What they are doing 

Find something to compliment 

Are there things you see in common

Intention

Initiation

Eye contact

Smiling

Find something of interest to discuss

Suggest the next step

Make plans

Laugh/Relax

Follow up 

Be patient if this does not work the first or every time you try to put yourself out there.

Do you have a hobby? 

A favorite place online? 

Is there anyone who participates in these things with you that you could add to your group of good friends? 

 

When you identify someone who seems interesting as a potential friend, strike up a conversation or determine to see them again somewhere so interaction can take place.

Pay a little extra attention to this person the next time you interact. 

Follow up on any chance there is for more one on one time together. 

Plan to meet for coffee, come early or stay late at the next event you are both scheduled to attend together, send a private or one on one communication.

Even if you do not love their favorite mode of communication you might have to use it to establish a connection.

The last few women I have tried to befriend have said “I hate to talk on the phone.” This would have been okay if they were great at email or IMing but they were not. 

One wanted to text, one was kinda hit or miss via social media, another disappeared in email. 

Epic Failures.

Egg Prep Ideas

I do not really like to eat eggs. Scrambled or in an omelet they are too plain.

Doctored up as horderves I can only eat one or two they seem almost too rich.

Never the less when ever I make these they are always a hit with family and strangers alike. I grew up making them with 

Miracle Whip 

Chopped Sweet Pickles 

&
 A Hint of Mustard

When I gave up using Miracle Whip some years ago I thought they would be lost to me forever.

I shy away from eating them at events. It is hard to know which end of the taste pallet the preparer was shooting for.

Suddenly an idea popped into my head to try.

Gotta love being comfortable in the kitchen.

Same hard boiled egg yolks and chopped sweet pickles. 

Not pre-chopped so there is a jar of the sweet vinegar water. 

Use some of the pickle juice to moisten the egg yolks and add mustard to thicken and add tart texture to the taste. 

Add some seasoning like salt and pepper as desired.

 

Voila! Yummy low fat Eggs Mimosa!

Always a crowd pleaser. I have some boiled eggs in my refrigerator now that I need to peel and prepare. 

Perhaps you know them by some other names?

 

Dressed, stuffed, salad…piquant 

Who knew there were so many variations?

Daughters Dating

Do any words or thoughts have the potential for more dread in a parents mind? My daughter is dating! Eke

I had the big freak out a few years ago when she had her first boyfriend. She threatened to tell me less if I could not hold myself together. I was reading too much into it. I am so glad she is not more like me in this area.

There is a beauty and innocent about what I see going on between her and this young man. 

It is the same young man again here now a few years later. Thus I call him the boomerang boyfriend. They make a cute couple. She has good taste in that area like me.

In middle school although they called it going out there was still not much more than phone calls, letters and stolen moments on the school yard. 

Now it is more full on or as much as you can get with two young people without jobs or drivers licenses still living at home and attending high school.

There is more and less parental control over it all since both are utilizing charter school programs. This means they are predominantly home all day long. 

No stolen moments between classes but days and afternoons can be free game.

Truthfully I knew once she began to engage the opposite sex of her own volition there would be little I could do to keep her under a rock. Good thing that is not what I had in mind. 

The first clear thing I said to her about the idea of her being in a relationship with some random boy I did not know was that I needed to meet him.

She hesitated but I insisted. I think it is important for parents to be a presence in the relationships their teenagers have. We have heard horrific stories of other young ladies being mistreated and abused. 

I want my daughter to know not to take that, not to hide that. I also want any young man she dates to know she has parents who will not put up with ill treatment towards our daughter.

It really is a delight to be able to see my daughter taking these first steps into adulthood sharing her heart yet maintaining boundaries. 

At her age I had no boundaries. Well I did but not conservative ones. My parents did not make it easy. I went to public school but they wanted to shut down the idea of me dating anyone.

Ridiculous

I am not always an "It" girl but there were a few guys whose eyes I caught and that was all I needed. 

I tried to let my parents be a part of what was going on. They met 2.5 of the guys I was with. I say half because they met one guy  as a guy friend not a boyfriend of mine, after catching us and trying to keep us apart.

The youth of the generations need guides and ushers through the portal into adulthood. They will get there without them but we as parents have an awesome right as well as the responsibility to walk them through. 

Clear boundaries should be set up and maintained. 

Still we cannot control chemistry. It is a negotiation to help our teens make the best choices sometimes. We want them to own the decisions not just follow orders.

Counselors Are Born

I grew up knowing I am social and a people person. It was fun to talk to others and get to know people. Soon I realized I had particular thought patterns.

When I hear a disagreement I want to hear both sides and get to truth. I am not swayed by emotion of either party to overlook all that is really going on.

It did not take much longer to realize how much people are in pain and suffering even as young children.

Looking back I knew some friends with horrendous stories. My heart went out to them.

My dad was quiet and shy so I would gravitate to loners and out casts knowing they had stories.

I just love talking to people. It does not take long however to really listen and hear what is not being said.

Worse and maybe you have to have an ear for this but I can hear peoples pain when they talk to me. I am the kind of listening ear that can seem to drag deep dark secrets out of strangers. They feel acceptance in my presence and I ask very good questions.

Nothing to make them feel like they are being worked just insightful questions. Sometimes it helps them to look at a situation with fresh eyes.  

Often I have heard:

I feel so much better after speaking with you

I don't usually talk for hours or reveal all this to a stranger

Wow it is nice to be heard and feel accepted

I needed someone sane and smart if not wise to discuss this with

That was just in my normal every day goings on. My mother likes to say I was born talking and have never met a stranger. The truth is a little bit deeper than that.

Never the less I make strange connections, even in this day and age when we are more connected to the people in our on line circles but we do not know the names of our neighbors.

Sadly I am convinced of a quip of mine: The masses of the world need therapy. Maybe I have seen too many episodes of day time talk television. 

I have had my share of strange, to the point of discomfort, relationships. Many times there are simple communication issues at the core of so much misery people suffer.

After that there are core and key issues individuals are dealing with. The way they see the world and choose to engage it does not work for them but they are stuck right there. 

Sometimes unable to see the problem, other times simply unable or unwilling to make changes.

It is at that point they should get help. Lay or professional wisdom from someone who may or may not be involved in the relational problem.  

There is a stigma, I am aware of, about getting help or the dreaded mental health issues but a counselor is not exactly a psychiatrist. You do not have to be crazy. We all need tools to get through life.

Bears Ate Our Tortillas

One summer some people we knew decided to do a group camping trip. They selected Sugar Pine @ Tahoe. I was not even sure my poor little vehicle could make the trip.

It turned out to be a very last minute planned outing. The day of the event it was decided my daughter’s best friend would be joining us. We owned sleeping bags but not much else that we needed.

Like an air mattress for me. Off we went to the thrift store. We took a chance on one we found that appeared to be completely intact and only lacking a plug. I brought it home, blew it up with an auto pump and stuck in a cork we had handy in it.

Then for good measure I let the girls roll on it and manipulate it. No holes, no leaking, score! 

I headed to Target and we bought a small cooler. I had no idea how to pack it but we bought the needed food. The menu was set so we could all have the same meals each night.

The friend donated for the duration of our adventure a large family tent from her household. That was bigger than what we technically needed but the extra space was nice. 

I will have to post about the girls mini excursion…
 

The groups' extreme experience came one night when everyone was sitting close to our tents around a fire enjoying s'mores.

We had been warned to keep our food in lockers due to bears. My assumption was that bears might come while we were asleep or alone and quiet if at all... 

Our backs were to the open locker near a picnic table scattered with our sweets and snacks. Chocolate, red vines, graham crackers, cookies, marshmallows you name it.

Suddenly off to the side of us, out from the brush and a line of trees wandered a mamma bear with cub(s). This was interesting. A few of us noticed and began to alert the others. Surely they would just keep passing through.

Oh No! They headed for the open food locker and grabbed some stuff before we began to holler and make like we might rush them.

Off mamma lumbered with her loot and at least one cub scampered up a tree. 

Oh my goodness! Each set of tents had it's own locker but of course since everyone was sitting near our tents it was our locker that was open and got raided.

The quick grab had been for my coffee grounds, probably because they were fragrant. Near them must have been our tortillas left over from fajitas the first night.

The next morning a few of the guys from the group went out walking and found the remnants of the stolen food.

The coffee bag only had a bite mark in it. Must have been too bitter. The tortillas were a little more yummy apparently since more chunks were missing out of them.

If I Were Type A

I am so glad March is over. This year has been a bear so far. I am totally looking forward to having the week off.

The plan is to catch up on my reading for classes. We will see how that goes.

Today starts two blogging challenges. I am doing them for the challenge and the variety they offer. They will run simultaneously.

The Ultimate Blogging Challenge: A post a day all month. 100 word minimum.

The A2Z Challenge 26 days all themed by the letter of the day using the English alphabet.

I had been working on what would potentially be a post that will fit I think nicely for today. 

If I were Type A:

I would be OCD

I might be Anorexic

I would get up early

My house would be clean

I would be more entrepreneurial

I might be annoying

I would be in Mensa already

My head would rule my heart 

I would seem imbalanced

I would get straight A's

I'd have written books

I would be hoarding web sites 

I would not be single

I might be a dominatrix

I could be rich
I would believe if you're on time you're late

Thankfully I am just me. 

There is a balance between my heart and my head that helps me feel balanced and stay relate able. I am messy creative. The best is yet to come. There is still time to do all those things like write a book, make it rich and host a killer web site.

The Mensa test looms for both me and my daughter. She is smart. I have more life experiences but other than that she keeps me on my toes and can do what I can do.

My dad used to get up early and my mom was a compulsive cleaner growing up. I thought that is what my adulthood would look like. Recently I was joking with my daughter saying what if I had gotten the opposite bits and pieces of their personalities.

It is only in recent years that I have realized how domineering my personality can be. Worse how needy the world is for leadership.

More importantly I am coming into my latent potential. I am noticing how people respond to me and what they see in me that I take for granted.