Update: The happy couple are enrolled in fall classes and doing well. Yeah!
(This was a scoop and article I wrote up for the student paper around the end of April)
I am doing the Christian single woman happy dance. Why, because another one of our Bible college students is getting married this summer! Formerly named Trinity Life Bible College (TLBC), (could that have stood for Trinity Life Bridal...), now called Epic will be expanding in the lovely year 2010 with a new student couple!
This whole subject of couples and pending weddings takes me all the way back through the Bible from Jesus at the wedding of Cana to Adam & Eve in the garden. Father God our creator is still intertwining hearts the way He has woven our inner most parts together.
The happy couple went to school together from 7th to 10th grade. He was her bully, until one day she put a stop to him messing with her. This sounds more like the bold, strong woman we know. Their lives went on separately until they were innocently reconnected on Facebook the social networking site (started by lonely college boys trying to connect with lovely co-eds).
I asked the bride to be if God specifically told her the timing of or the person whom she was intended to be joined with. She told me she only knew she was being preparing to become a Godly wife and nothing much more. One of the ways her future groom revealed his mature, changed heart to her was by asking for her forgiveness for being a bully all those years ago in school.
“How did you know this was right if it wasn’t love at first sight?"
That is the all important question us single saints ponder looking at the beauty
of all our potential mates.
The happy couples answer: A time of separate prayer and fasting.
Having been a single mom for 12 years now she told me she wanted to be sure she laid the relationship and all it’s implications before God releasing her own will and expectations. This is the only way to get past your flesh and hear through The Spirit. Get alone, get quiet and wait. Share with Christians you know and trust that know you. Give them permission to speak into your life from their perspective on the issue. If you don’t like what they say take it to God.
The happy engaged couple are both firmly planted and volunteering in active churches. Both sets of spiritual and or pastoral leadership are on board and approve of the pending nuptials. Family members are on line with the plan. Pre marital counseling is being provided by one of our very own professors. To think about getting married is to understand these and other points and issues. Having things line up to indicate what you are doing is being divinely guided.
This summers union will be the second for both parties and each come into the new relationship with children. Things are working together without X's causing drama. For those of us handling divorces, separations, custody issues and deadbeats or even those exposed to these traumas in the lives of friends this is clearly a visible all but tangible blessing indeed. For many who are
divorced it is also healing to see second marriages can be God designed.
Thanks & Congratulations to the pending couple towards your new blessings adventures!
Monday, April 5, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Growling along w/ Cub
Gasp I am raising a daughter aged 13 please give me a glass of water ~fans self~. Some days I am just not sure what to think of her. How far is too far, am I making right decisions, will she be scarred for life???? ^_^ (0) - (0)
Sigh
Things have been awkward to say the least in the last few months. We were separated through the Christmas holiday. I lost my phone for a few days and then got seriously ill with some sort of bug that went through the household I am sharing.
This wouldn't have been so bad if we hadn't been planning on getting together it being Christmas and break after all. There was no set arrangement but it just seemed it would happen. Where she is, is where she has chosen to be. She doesn't want to stay where I am staying and had her calendar full of sleep overs and activities with friends so I let her be.
I have spent the past 12 years with her all but 24/7 365. It is a time for freedom and independence. She's pulling away and into her friends at school. This has all been an adjustment but it is so normal. Trying to just roll with the punches.
I even began to think this is exactly what God wanted a harsh break between us to force a crises in her life. Even being homeless having me near is incredibly stabilizing for her. The week that I had this thought I went to a prayer service @ my church and a minister who prayed for me said "The Lord says praise Him because the salvation of your family is due and released through your worship."
Don't quote me on that but it seemed to sort of gel. My dad died in 06 suddenly at only 52 or 53 years of age. My brother, my daughter and his sister (my aunt) are still not over it. My mother and I have released him. We are the only two walking in our salvation at the moment. The other three are still wandering in the world like little prodigals. My brother has had 3 people die this year connected to his life. The parents of two girls he went to school with. One of the girls just married our cousin in Sept and her mom died in Dec. Back in March my brothers God brother who was barely 31 with 4 little kids and a fiance went to sleep one night and did not wake up. Much pressure, stress and pain. I do not know as much about my aunt she lives in TX and I am in CA our families were never really close just due to distance.
These are just the situations of our lives but when we look closely we can see the hand of God behind our circumstances. To fully survive them in mental and emotional health we must rest in Him and look to Him in times of pain and stress.
All this being said the disconnect between my daughter and I for all these days was excessive. I guess I was waiting for her to tell me what she needed or just waiting for things to straighten themselves out and get back to normal so we can resume life as we prefer it.
Last night I went to see her and she was giving me the cold shoulder. eke Yikes okay.....
Mad at me and accusing me when she finally would give me a few moments. I had to really listen and hear what she was not saying. I apologized to her told her it was wrong to stay out of touch. I promised it will be better.
Then I told her to try and put this in perspective "You wouldn't be mad at me if you didn't need me and please use your words to ask for what you want instead of other things or being bratty." It is not like she called me to talk and I wouldn't. She would call me for things but never to hang out or just chat.
We are both strong women. Our Mamas raised us well as babies. Which enables a level of confidence and security the world can't touch because it is God given. Babies whose parents fail to meet their needs loose this ability to trust and connect with the world. They grow up instinctively feeling mistrustful and abandoned because something went wrong very early in life. My dd had no father to speak of in the first 5 years and is a bit more grouchy than I am because of it (to say the least lol sigh).
Well raised babies grow up to be strong adolescents. When they start complaining about things and how we treat them we need to listen, meet the needs and find balance. It further helps them navigate positively through life.
I am studying an over view of human development in a youth ministry class I threw on my schedule as winter quarter started. It has been so timely. God is so good. Some of this stuff I knew instinctively but it is good to hear it again as we go through these specific issues and trials.
I feel like what went wrong for me at this stage in my life was my parents failed to hear my complaints as needs. When I was old enough to talk and reason they assumed they could tell me how to feel and that would be the end of it.
The rift that caused in our relationship is the reason I decided to parent my daughter the opposite to what I was shown.
Sigh
Things have been awkward to say the least in the last few months. We were separated through the Christmas holiday. I lost my phone for a few days and then got seriously ill with some sort of bug that went through the household I am sharing.
This wouldn't have been so bad if we hadn't been planning on getting together it being Christmas and break after all. There was no set arrangement but it just seemed it would happen. Where she is, is where she has chosen to be. She doesn't want to stay where I am staying and had her calendar full of sleep overs and activities with friends so I let her be.
I have spent the past 12 years with her all but 24/7 365. It is a time for freedom and independence. She's pulling away and into her friends at school. This has all been an adjustment but it is so normal. Trying to just roll with the punches.
I even began to think this is exactly what God wanted a harsh break between us to force a crises in her life. Even being homeless having me near is incredibly stabilizing for her. The week that I had this thought I went to a prayer service @ my church and a minister who prayed for me said "The Lord says praise Him because the salvation of your family is due and released through your worship."
Don't quote me on that but it seemed to sort of gel. My dad died in 06 suddenly at only 52 or 53 years of age. My brother, my daughter and his sister (my aunt) are still not over it. My mother and I have released him. We are the only two walking in our salvation at the moment. The other three are still wandering in the world like little prodigals. My brother has had 3 people die this year connected to his life. The parents of two girls he went to school with. One of the girls just married our cousin in Sept and her mom died in Dec. Back in March my brothers God brother who was barely 31 with 4 little kids and a fiance went to sleep one night and did not wake up. Much pressure, stress and pain. I do not know as much about my aunt she lives in TX and I am in CA our families were never really close just due to distance.
These are just the situations of our lives but when we look closely we can see the hand of God behind our circumstances. To fully survive them in mental and emotional health we must rest in Him and look to Him in times of pain and stress.
All this being said the disconnect between my daughter and I for all these days was excessive. I guess I was waiting for her to tell me what she needed or just waiting for things to straighten themselves out and get back to normal so we can resume life as we prefer it.
Last night I went to see her and she was giving me the cold shoulder. eke Yikes okay.....
Mad at me and accusing me when she finally would give me a few moments. I had to really listen and hear what she was not saying. I apologized to her told her it was wrong to stay out of touch. I promised it will be better.
Then I told her to try and put this in perspective "You wouldn't be mad at me if you didn't need me and please use your words to ask for what you want instead of other things or being bratty." It is not like she called me to talk and I wouldn't. She would call me for things but never to hang out or just chat.
We are both strong women. Our Mamas raised us well as babies. Which enables a level of confidence and security the world can't touch because it is God given. Babies whose parents fail to meet their needs loose this ability to trust and connect with the world. They grow up instinctively feeling mistrustful and abandoned because something went wrong very early in life. My dd had no father to speak of in the first 5 years and is a bit more grouchy than I am because of it (to say the least lol sigh).
Well raised babies grow up to be strong adolescents. When they start complaining about things and how we treat them we need to listen, meet the needs and find balance. It further helps them navigate positively through life.
I am studying an over view of human development in a youth ministry class I threw on my schedule as winter quarter started. It has been so timely. God is so good. Some of this stuff I knew instinctively but it is good to hear it again as we go through these specific issues and trials.
I feel like what went wrong for me at this stage in my life was my parents failed to hear my complaints as needs. When I was old enough to talk and reason they assumed they could tell me how to feel and that would be the end of it.
The rift that caused in our relationship is the reason I decided to parent my daughter the opposite to what I was shown.
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